I need to calm all the excess noise in my life right now.
Do you ever feel that way? Like life just sometimes becomes too loud, too overwhelming, and just too damn annoying? July seemed to be that way for me and it left me feeling short-tempered and burned out.
So I came up with a few ways to practice turning off all the excess feelings, specifically; to start giving less f*cks.
Stay off of social media.
This is the place where all the f*cks live. And they multiply frequently, almost daily. They are like little gremlins that can’t stop eating after midnight and in the morning there’s a fresh new crop of them waiting to shove their opinions down your throat. This is a no bueno for moi.
Spend more time outside.
Fresh air is pretty much the antidote to f*cks. It’s kind of like all the F’s are little vampires that can’t survive in the sunshine — they literally dissolve and blow away like the little dust particles they truly are. Taking a walk and breathing fresh air can literally change your life. All that fresh oxygen and exercise…you actually can’t be in a bad mood after spending some time in nature.
Try a new exercise.
You know what the worst F’s hate the most? Exercise. They hate it! Know why? Because exercise produces endorphins and those bad a$$ little endo’s know kung fu and can kick all the F’s to the curb. And the easiest way to stock on on endorphins is by exercising. Look, I’ve tried just about every exercise out there, except one: Pilates. So…I’ve googled some videos and I’m gonna give it a try. Who knows? It might become my new favorite way kick the F’s out the door for good.
Switch up the eating habits
OMG this sounds about as boring as folding underwear. I know, I know. But it’s true: changing your eating habits can change your life. Here are a few easy ways to do it that will probably piss you right off 🙂
1. Cut back on sugary drinks. Sugar eats F’s for breakfast. Stop that.
2. Stop eating the bad oils (canola, corn cottonseed, soy, sunflower, safflower, grapeseed and ricebran || otherwise knowns as the Hateful 8). These contribute to inflammation in your body and can make your body fat literally hurt you. For more on this see this podcast episode: https://themodelhealthshow.com/fat-burn-fix/
3. Try not to eat from the cupboard or the counter. Unless it’s fruit, if it can stay on the counter or cupboard and not go bad, chances are it’s full of preservatives, and preservatives’ middle name is F*ck. Try to eat from the refrigerator or the farmer’s market only. Before you know it you’ll be saying Namaste to strangers on the street.
Try these tricks and see how quickly you banish the F*cks from your life.
If you need some extra help, here are a few products I can thoroughly recommend.
I mean, obvs.
It’s one of the healthiest oils to cook with, and it’s super useful for a ton of other things that bring the F word into your life (sunburn, wrinkles, itchy eczema, dry scalp, etc). Just Google it and prepare to be shocked at how versatile this oil is.
Honestly, there’s nothing that makes me cuss faster than a resistance band that rolls into a tight murderous weapon across my thighs, or cuts into my skin as I try to exercise. Luckily some smart person made these bands that are wide and also soft enough to never roll or crease or make you cuss. And who couldn’t use a better piece of workout gear to use in your new in-home gym, right? I can’t wait to try these babies out (set of 3).
Sometimes it’s nice to be very Zen while coloring the F-word and it’s cousins, the B-word and the S-word.
Let’s face it. My mug should say, “this most definitely ‘aint coffee”.
But I don’t have a bathtub. No worries, it can be used in bed, too. And quite honestly, I might even use it more there. It holds a book, a phone, and most importantly a wine glass. This is a portable way to not give a F.
When you just can’t take one more f***ing hair.
These are pre-waxed strips so you just peel, stick and rip.
Hello armpits, you have seen your last razor burn.
If your finger is constantly stuck in a light socket like mine, you f**ing need this product.
And even if it’s only partially stuck in a light socket, you still need this. It’s freaking amazing and will give you definition and volume like no other product.
Because sometimes, it’s best to just stay in bed.
Guys, honestly, this is the best quilt because you can use it in all seasons. In winter you can layer it with extra soft duvets, and in summer it can be all by itself or with a set of linen sheets. And fall and spring are just a blink anyway so they don’t count.
For days when you just need to say “F-it”, this quilt will be your best friend.
Well, this and a dog. Duh.
Cheers to you, my friend.
I hope you realize I’m not always this snarky, nor am I always this foul-mouthed. Sometimes it’s just a bit of a stress relief to swear a little…to say the words that make your soul say, “yasssss girl”, to just let yourself be whatever for a moment without any judgment. Period. We need this tiny sabbatical in our lives, especially now.
So maybe your relief doesn’t include swearing. Maybe it comes to you in the form of watching your favorite TV show, or getting a manicure, or just taking a dang drive on a country road, or doing some retail therapy. All of these, and all of the options I didn’t mention, are 100% ok. Whatever works best for you, brings you relief from the constant “ugh” of daily life in 2020, then I say wholeheartedly “do that”.
Do that thing. Do that thing over and over again until you are laughing and until you are smiling. Because that is what we need in the world right now.
Am I right?
F yeah I am. 🙂
This post contains some f**ing affiliate links, okay?